Not So Merry Christmas

I can't say how many times I heard this come out of someones mouth. "Children are what bring magic to Christmas" and "Once you have a child Christmas will be special again". I think they forgot the disclaimer: "Once you have a child, Christmas will be special again, when the child is _______ years old.(fill in appropriate age).

I knew last Christmas was going to be nothing special seeing that Kaylen was only 6 months old. The only thing she cared about was being fed and entertained constantly. She didn't even care if she sat in her own shit for hours on end. This year I was hoping for a little more. Some excitement, gift opening, spending time with family and showing off how she has grown. I was hoping everyone would get some enjoyment out of having a small child around again. Especially me.

Wrong.

Worst. Christmas. Ever. She strong armed anyone who tried to hold her. She screamed "no no" at me constantly. She stayed awake almost an entire night at the in laws, screams and cries echoed the entire laminate floored house, which meant everyone stayed awake almost an entire night. She was so cranky she almost had us convinced something was wrong with her and she needed to go to the ER. She HATED opening presents. You couldn't bribe her into opening a present. In fact I finally finished up opening her presents on December 27th. Yup. I wrapped them, I opened them.

My messy haired, sticky handed, "no no" screaming, nap denying, car ride hating, mommy stressor outer, gift non-opener, family & relative ignorer, horrible traveling, sleep deprived toddler ruined Christmas. Yes I actually said it. She ruined my Christmas. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I don't love her. She gives me more joy than any one Christmas could.

Bottom line, next year there are no expectations. I will let you know when that magical age happens. I suspect with Kaylen it might be when she's moved out, grown up and had a kid of her own. Maybe then she will finally get it.

Merry Christmas. Looking forward to the new year. Maybe next Christmas I will get to eat a friggin sugar cookie in peace.

Sweet Nini, thanks for being our first. We love you and miss you. It's empty here without you.

She doesn't get the eyelashes from me. Or the blue eyes. Damn.

One and a Half

It always takes me a week or two to get the courage to try to do some semi decent photos with Kaylen. I'm not really that good at it and practicing on a toddler usually yields some not so fantastic results. It's easier to take photos of subjects that hold still, not one's that look like they are going to lunge to their death off a chair at any moment. She's not one for cooperating and most photos I take of her these days are of her walking, I mean bolting away from me. Below is the outcome...not too shabby. Adam was behind me making every obnoxious noise and silly face he could think of. She was like "whatever, let me eat this pine cone please". It lasted about 8 minutes and I took 197 photos. Phew.

Just 4 days shy of 1 1/2 years old.

Likes: Her "beebee" doll, rearranging my stuff, going "bye bye", cookies, wearing my shoes, baths, Christmas "yights", french fries, green beans, eating candle wax, eating whatever I'm eating, reading books over and over and over and over again.

Dislikes: Having her diaper changed, having her face and hands wiped, brushing her hair, brushing her teeth, getting dressed, getting undressed, putting on her own shoes, getting told "no more cookies", time-out.

Peace out big people.

The Last Few Weeks

I have learned that:

1. Kaylen is the boss.
2. Fancy strollers are worth their weight in gold. They may cost as much as gold *gulp* BUT... being able to shop for 4 hours with no crying or even asking to get out is so worth it. Dare I say she almost even fell asleep.
3. 17 month old's really do absorb everything. Case it point we were in Lowe's yesterday and she saw a toilet on display and yelled "POO POO!"
4. Kaylen is the boss.
5. BOTH my minivan sliding doors freeze shut when it snows. We must enter and exit from the tailgate. Now we fit in with the next door neighbors. Maybe they will finally invite us over for dinner and a few Busch Lights.
6. Naps are a nice little break but when said toddler takes a nap it's really like she's recharging. There is a downside.  
7. Rachel Ray makes dog food and they sell it at Walmart. My mom says it makes the dogs fart less.  
8. Kaylen is the boss.
9. For the next baby, I'm not buying any toys. Just going to give the kid some old shoes and pine cones to chew on and maybe just stick my Caphalon pots and pans in he or she's crib. Glass lids and all because those are the funnest.
10. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that Kaylen is the boss? 

   

Recent Conversations

Yes, I'm about to eat my words. Yes, I do remember telling everyone at work that if I was with child before Kaylen was three I'd shoot myself. I'm mean really, I was still recovering from the infant tyrant from hell..err...um...I mean from the shock of how wonderfully fufilling life had become. I was the one sitting in bed the night before my maternity leave was over looking like a kid on Christmas Eve, anxiously waiting to fall asleep so I could see what surprises lay under the tree the next morning. You mean I get to leave THE BABY HERE, commute an hour each way, take care of other people's sick kids for 12 hours, work every other weekend, and I get paid? Woah I'm in! Just the meer thought of waking up in the morning only to be responsible for NOTHING BUT MAKING MY OWN COFFEE was enough to make me chuckle a little on the inside and say screw mommy-hood. I wasn't really even worried how Adam would do working from home with her, not MY problem.

So here we are, Adam and I have been discussing "it". The second child. NUMERAL DOS. We've entertained several reason's why sooner might be better than later.

1. We want Kaylen to have a sibling. The thought of what she would be like as a teenage only child SCARES ME.

2. It can't get any worse than it already was(meaning we know how to soothe a colicky baby with blind folds on and our hands tied behind our backs).

3. We are old pro's now. What could a second kid do to possibly throw us off our game.(eat words later)

4. We would be forced to clean the junk out of the 3rd bedroom.

5. It would justify the mini van purchase.

6. The sooner the whole family can walk, talk and sleep through the night, the better. (also might eat words later)

7. Adam is getting old, I think he's 35.

Those are all pretty good reasons, but the best reason I can think of is that for every one of these....... 

We get thousands of these.....

Who wouldn't want to multiply that by two.

What A difference A year Makes

4 months

16 months


It's 9:50am, the day after Halloween and I am the only one up still. Adam and my little bumble bee must have had a little too much fun last night! I missed Halloween with my family this year. I always go to work feeling a little bit sad that the career I chose is a 24/7 operation and I am expected to hold up my end of the holiday shifts. The sadness only lasts my morning commute and once I step in the doors of SCH I am reminded that I have a healthy kid and that Halloween costumes aren't all that important. It is a very humbling experience to be caring for the most fragile of children when they should be home with their families running from door to door trick or treating or giddy with excitement opening gifts on Christmas. It's a sacrifice I am reminded I am willing to make.



So Kaylen was a bumble bee this year and despite my failed attempts to put her costume on her the week before Hollow's Eve, she willingly put it on for Adam. Go figure. They had a great time at Grandma and Grandpa's house. She said "trich o trea" and I got a bunch of great blurry text pictures on my I phone. Taresa (my good friend and co-worker) and I went out for tacos after a long weekend of 12 hour shifts and celebrated our own Halloween, sans kids and husbands. 

2 days before Halloween, only big one's left!

Most photos I get of her are of her back these days

Off to "trich o trea" in Kaylen's words

Love this....one of the goats at the pumpkin patch



 



uncharted territory

This blog is meant to be more of a scrapbook of sorts. My hope is for lot's of photos and a few thoughts along the way. A way for friends and family to take a peek at what's going on with us. I found this photo fitting for my first official post. This is Kaylen at 14 months in all her little toddler glory. Eating dirt.

THE BACKSTORY

Glory, a word I wouldn't use to describe our first days, weeks and months together.  I can honestly say that I wouldn't touch our early days together with a 10 foot pole....maybe not even a 100 foot pole if one of those existed. I remember pleading with anything that would listen, the dog, my husband, my mom, universes far far away for this kid to stop crying and sleep already. I wished my pre-baby life back where I could come and go when I pleased. When I could listen to my favorite music in the car instead of an infant wailing at unheard of decibels. When my paycheck was for me and before the dependants box was checked on my W2 form. The details really are all a blur now just like every seasoned mother has told me they would be, but that feeling of helpless frustration still builds up in my shoulders like a scarf made from lead just trying to remember.


Fast forward 16 months and things have changed. As my determined, strong, spirited, serious, funny, opinionated sweet little girl grows and grows, the days are becoming increasingly bittersweet.  Thoughts of wishing her to "hurry up out of babyhood" have been replaced with "it's OK to slow down a little now". I know the qualities she possesses that were my enemy when she was tiny will take her places in life. I don't feel guilty about not feeling these things when she was a newborn, a blob with a demanding cry that never slept. I love how I can honestly say that it took me 16 months to get to this blissful place that I have heard about.  Now I want to soak her in. Every expression, every smile, every tear, every "UH-OH". I want to tell her to hold on a little while longer before trekking out into the world where she doesn't need me quite so much. Where I once prayed she would be tucked into bed fast asleep when I got home from a long day at work, I now hope and hope she is awake so I can see how she's changed before the day comes to an end forever, and a brand new day starts.


I finally get it.