This blog is meant to be more of a scrapbook of sorts. My hope is for lot's of photos and a few thoughts along the way. A way for friends and family to take a peek at what's going on with us. I found this photo fitting for my first official post. This is Kaylen at 14 months in all her little toddler glory. Eating dirt.
THE BACKSTORY
Glory, a word I wouldn't use to describe our first days, weeks and months together. I can honestly say that I wouldn't touch our early days together with a 10 foot pole....maybe not even a 100 foot pole if one of those existed. I remember pleading with anything that would listen, the dog, my husband, my mom, universes far far away for this kid to stop crying and sleep already. I wished my pre-baby life back where I could come and go when I pleased. When I could listen to my favorite music in the car instead of an infant wailing at unheard of decibels. When my paycheck was for me and before the dependants box was checked on my W2 form. The details really are all a blur now just like every seasoned mother has told me they would be, but that feeling of helpless frustration still builds up in my shoulders like a scarf made from lead just trying to remember.
Fast forward 16 months and things have changed. As my determined, strong, spirited, serious, funny, opinionated sweet little girl grows and grows, the days are becoming increasingly bittersweet. Thoughts of wishing her to "hurry up out of babyhood" have been replaced with "it's OK to slow down a little now". I know the qualities she possesses that were my enemy when she was tiny will take her places in life. I don't feel guilty about not feeling these things when she was a newborn, a blob with a demanding cry that never slept. I love how I can honestly say that it took me 16 months to get to this blissful place that I have heard about. Now I want to soak her in. Every expression, every smile, every tear, every "UH-OH". I want to tell her to hold on a little while longer before trekking out into the world where she doesn't need me quite so much. Where I once prayed she would be tucked into bed fast asleep when I got home from a long day at work, I now hope and hope she is awake so I can see how she's changed before the day comes to an end forever, and a brand new day starts.
I finally get it.
